Oh when I was a little babe, they treated me with pity,
Me nastiness was legend’ry, something of an o-ddity
They say I was a hideous child, as horrible as sin,
And Mummy only kiss me when she’d – had a drink of gin
Then when I was a little boy they laughed at me at school,
They wouldn’t let me join their games, the girls called me a fool
Oh how I hated swimming class (although it wasn’t chilly)
But the boys they all would point at me and ridicule my willy
Chorus: So I litigate, I know it’s not too late, if you annoy me, Mate, – I’ll litigate
I litigate, I’ll take your whole estate, I don’t need to de-bate, -I litigate
But as I grew into a man (though some said that I never)
I learnt to get my way at last and I became quite clever
I’d pay the bully of the class to fight my fights for me
And so I learnt to save my ass – but always by prox-y
Chorus: Oh, litigate, I love to litigate, you know I’m no cheapskate, – I litigate
I litigate – I pay the lawyer’s rate, no reason to trans-late – I litigate
So now I’ve made my fortune in a hundred different ways
I’ve bought and sold, made pots of gold, I count them every day
I’m now a man of substance, I think I’m really it
And I’ll litigate if you let it out – I’m just a nasty……..fellow
Chorus: Oh litigate, you make me quite i-rate, an’ I am no light-weight, – I’ll litigate
Oh litigate, I love to litigate, that’s how I can dic-tate – I- lit –i-gate
