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The Litigator’s Calypso

 

Oh when I was a little babe, they treated me with pity,

Me nastiness was legend’ry, something of an o-ddity

They say I was a hideous child, as horrible as sin,

And Mummy only kiss me when she’d – had a drink of gin

 

Then when I was a little boy they laughed at me at school,

They wouldn’t let me join their games, the girls called me a fool

Oh how I hated swimming class (although it wasn’t chilly)

But the boys they all would point at me and ridicule my willy

 

Chorus: So I litigate, I know it’s not too late, if you annoy me, Mate, – I’ll litigate

I litigate, I’ll take your whole estate, I don’t need to de-bate, -I litigate

 

But as I grew into a man (though some said that I never)

I learnt to get my way at last and I became quite clever

I’d pay the bully of the class to fight my fights for me

And so I learnt to save my ass – but always by prox-y

 

Chorus: Oh, litigate, I love to litigate, you know I’m no cheapskate, – I litigate

I litigate – I pay the lawyer’s rate, no reason to trans-late – I litigate

 

So now I’ve made my fortune in a hundred different ways

I’ve bought and sold, made pots of gold, I count them every day

I’m now a man of substance, I think I’m really it

And I’ll litigate if you let it out – I’m just a nasty……..fellow

 

Chorus: Oh litigate, you make me quite i-rate, an’ I am no light-weight, – I’ll litigate

Oh litigate, I love to litigate, that’s how I can dic-tate – I- lit –i-gate

 

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